Apocalypse Reset: My Crab Can Heal the World! - Chapter 47

Chapter 47: Beach Day
It’s been a week since Barns’ date, and he hadn’t seen Haima around once.

“She’s avoiding me, isn’t she?”

“Well, no,” Maria says, putting a book back on the shelf. Barns is sitting on the table of the castle library while Maria fumbles with a stack of old tomes she was returning.

“You said she came to the side of the castle to tell you to tell me that she was busy this weekend?” Barns can barely get the words out, tongue-tied. He makes a ‘blegh’ face.

“That DID happen, Barns, yes,” Maria winces. “But, as I said. It could be nerves. The way you tell it, you came on rather strong.”

“It’s always worked before,” Barns quips. “Dang, Yunie, Zelia, Francois, they were all over me when we met. And uh, do we need to talk about – ”

“Talk about what?” Osmond calls from the second floor of the library. Maria actively ignores him.

“Why don’t you get to know her better before you repopulate the earth? If you put too much expectations on a date, it won’t ever go like you plan.”

“I suppose…hey, Osmond! What are you doing here, anyway?”

The demon peers from above. “Something concerning the Memory Stone we found.”

“Oh, no way,” Barns replies, switching gears. “Did you figure anything out?”

Osmond floats down to the lower level to join Maria and Barns. “No,” he says, as he drifts to the ground. “I’m still trying to figure out how to open it.”

Barns sighs. “We’re no closer to defeating the twins, then. Keep at it, Oz. You’ll figure it out.”

“Hm,” Osmond answers softly. He’s holding a battered black book in one hand. “I do have one more technique to try. Suppose I ought to go do that now. See you later, bro. And you as well, my darling dove.”

Osmond leans over and kisses Maria on the cheek before strolling out of the library, book in hand.

“Still no luck on the ashes either, right?”

Maria shakes her head. “We confirmed the ashes are biological in nature. There’s bone fragments in them. Other than that, their significance remains unclear.”

“My money is on dead relatives,” Barns says. “I bet the twins’ whole family is in that urn. Maybe they’re the sentimental type.”

“You must not have heard much about the twins. They’re a pair of sadistic, mindless butchers. I don’t believe sentimentality is a factor for them.”

Barns shrugs it off as Maria finishes placing her books back on the shelves.

“What are your plans for the day, Barns? Going to try and cut a tree in half with your bare hands again?”

“Hey, I’ve been making some progress. Yesterday, I left a chip in the tree. And it felt a little like a claw! You know?”

“I don’t,” she responds flatly. “But I wish you the best of luck.”

Barns could never get a good read on Maria. She’s infinitely helpful at times, and yet it seems selfishness drives her always. And when she’s not interested in a topic – there’s no helping it.

Barns huffs and leaves the library, eager to resume his training – he makes his way to Clancy.

Not far from Barns, in the castle’s throne room, Clancy is enjoying a feast as two bodacious maids pop sweet grapes into his mouth one at a time.

The giant crab gobbles them up, putting one claw around each of the ladies and drawing them closer.

“PARADISE.”

“You know, Mistah King, me and my friend here are open to…additional services,” one of the maids says, as she ‘accidentally’ bumps into Clancy’s face with her chest.

The other maid looks at her friend like she’s crazy, mouthing ‘But it’s a crab!’ to her companion. Clancy doesn’t seem to notice.

“ADDITIONAL SERVICE, LIKE PROSTITUTION?”

“Oh, you sweet thing, I’d do it for free.”

“I would need a lot of money,” the other maid professes. “Like, a lot.”

The mood in the throne room is immediately killed as Barns walks in, interrupting the conversation.

“Now that one,” the maid says. “I’d do him for free in a second.”

The maids disengage from Clancy as Barns calls out to him.

“Hey, King!”

“BARNACLES. APPROACH KING.”

Barns continues walking – there’s quite a distance between the mighty doors and the throne itself. “I’m not sure if you heard, but it’s Mantis day at the west coast! How about you and me catch some shrimp, Clancy?”

Clancy jumps up. If there’s one thing he likes more than gratuitous sex with whores, it’s fresh monster shrimp to eat and kill. That and kobolds – thought Barns has made his opinions very clear about Clancy eating kobolds.

“That’s cannibalism,” Barns reminds Clancy, every time the topic comes up.”

“ONLY CANNIBALISM IF EATING CRAB.” would be Clancy’s typical response.

“MANTIS SHRIMP!” Clancy declares, ignoring his maids. “MANTIS SHRIMP! MANTIS SHRIMP!” Clancy scuttles all around. He’s like a young crab, with all his excitement.

“Sorry ladies,” Barns chuckles. “Going to have to borrow the big guy for a while.”

“That’s fine with me,” says the less-invested maid. The other one looks a little down that she couldn’t experience crab for the first time. Maybe next time.

While the duo walks to the beach, Barns engages his crab in a casual conversation.

“Yunie said she’ll send one other Adventurer with us today for the mission, some newbie who needs combat experience,” Barns informs him as they make their way down some steep rocks. “So we’ll meet them at the staging point.”

“THEY KILL, I EAT?”

“Sure,” Barns grins. “I wonder who it’ll be?”

As they reach the staging area, a small supply depot near the beach, Barns is surprised to see who’s standing there.

“O-oh, Haima!” he says with a big smile. “Wasn’t expecting to see you here?”

She turns her head, and she’s already beet-red. She quickly looks away from Barns.

“Hello, Mr. Barns,” she says quickly. “The young gentleman who was going to participate today unfortunately has diarrhea, so I offered to fill in…”

Haima curses under her breath. ‘Am I really talking about diarrhea right now?’ she asks herself.

“Well, this works out!” Barns beams. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Oh, is that right?” Haima giggles nervously. “I couldn’t imagine what! Oh, how rude of me, hello King Clancy! Are you excited to hunt shrimp today?”

Clancy clicks his claws. “HUNGER GUIDES ME FORWARD.”

The three begin the trek down to the stony beach, which is already swarming with six-foot mantis shrimp. The shrimp build up so quickly on the shore that Yunie sends Adventurers every Saturday to clean it up. As such, there’s a lot of dessicated shrimp on the beach, and the carrion have a field day with it. This also lures more shrimp, who are none too picky about eating their own kind.

Haima unsheathes a short sword, holding it unsteadily in her hands. Barns is quick to notice her trepidation.

“You don’t want to use your Secret Arts?” he asks. “Don’t worry, I won’t steal your family secrets!”

“It’s not that,” Haima professes. “My talents work mostly on mammals. Creatures like this have a foreign biology to me, so my Secret Arts don’t work well at all.”

“I see. So when it comes to monsters like this, you’re just a normie, huh?” Barns jests.

Haima blushes. “I suppose you could say that. But that’s why I volunteered in the first place. I want to become more well-rounded. I can’t rely on blood possession forever, now can I?”

Haima thinks about what she did to the vampire several days ago. She certainly has more than blood possession to rely on, but that’s a card she prefers to hold close to her chest.

As she ponders her words carefully, she feels the chunky vampire cube in her pocket. She’s been carrying it around with her since the altercation, using it as a ‘fuel’ of sorts.

Barns clenches his fist, and the claws retract from the glove. Haima’s eyes fix on his weapon – it’s her first time seeing it in action. Even she had to admit she was excited to see an S Rank weapon first-hand.

Barns looks at her, noticing her quivering delight, her eyes glued to the glove. “Hey,” he says. “I have my sword, it works great against these shrimp. Do you…want to try the glove out, Haima?”

Her jaw drops. “Oh my.” There’s only a split second of hesitation before she completely nerds out. “I would LOVE to!”