(BL) Hunting The Field Guide - Chapter 146

Chapter 146: Dr.

Green, the love Doctor Chapter 146: Dr.

Green, the love Doctor “Onto the next question.

How would you feel if rumours about Captain Thatcher having a secret lover broke?

This is not confirmed to be true, but it was blasted all over the news and tv?” A sharp, awful pain in Kellen’s chest formed.

Confused, he rubbed the spot, trying to relieve the pain.

Kellen felt his eyes well with tears, and he swallowed thickly.  “I would hate that.” Kellen told her honestly, the sharp pain causing him to frown.

Taylor gave him a sad smile over the rip of her cup.  “It’s just a scenario.

It isn’t true in the slightest.

There hasn’t even been a suggestion about it in the media.” She told him, trying to soothe Kellen, and he nodded.

Kellen reached for his tea, taking a deep sip, ignoring how his hands shook slightly.

“Next question.

Could you see yourself in a pair with someone else?” Kellen shook his head quickly.

He didn’t even hesitate.  “No, I can’t.” He said, his words firm.

Taylor smirked.  “Do you have fun when you’re with him?

Do you feel like you can be yourself around him?

” Kellen took a moment to think.

When he had been away from him, he felt…lost.

He hadn’t noticed it at first, because he was used to being alone, but as time went on…it had felt unusual.

He had grown used to the Captain being near him in the short amount of time that they had spent together.

Being without him now felt…strange.

Unusual.  When they had gotten over the awkwardness, being with the Captain during the photo shoot had felt…it had felt…Kellen swallowed, a lump forming in his throat.

He wasn’t sure what he should name the feeling he felt welling up inside of him.

It wasn’t quite comfortable, nor was it fully uncomfortable, but it was something he hadn’t felt ever.

No, that wasn’t quite right.

It had been a long time since he’d felt this.  The easiest way to describe the feelings Kellen had when around the Captain now was…longing?

He longed to be around him, just near him.

The sound of his voice, the way he looked at him, gave Kellen that feeling in his chest.

All of the little things he’d learned about the Captain so far filled something inside of him to overflowing, to bursting.

Kellen had no idea where the end of those feelings were, but he knew that the more time he spent with the Captain, the deeper they grew.  Feeling comfortable around the Captain?

Kellen wasn’t sure if that was the way to describe it.

Being around the Captain hadn’t felt comfortable the whole time he’d known him.

He’d always run away from him, never facing him head on.

Every moment around him felt awkward and made Kellen’s heart race.

He felt like a child around him.

He had so much more knowledge than him, and it frustrated him.

He had…Kellen thought that it would have been nice if the two of them had the same level of understanding so that when they fucked up, they could have at least gotten over it together.  Currently, only Kellen was fumbling through this…these feelings.

Alone.

It was clear that whatever he had said to the Captain had awoken some understanding in him, while Kellen still felt blind.

He still felt like he was a bumbling fool, given that even Brent and Taylor seemed to have an understanding of what was going on inside of him.

He felt like a fool, like an idiot.

Add to that the fact that he had to answer these damn questions to find out what was wrong with him like some damn quiz, he felt like an idiot.  So did he feel comfortable around the Captain?

Did he have fun when he was with him?

Sure, whatever.

He knew that he could have fun with the Captain, since they’d had fun together the few times that they had hung out together, and once he got over this damn feeling inside of him, he could see himself being more comfortable around him.

But he wasn’t sure that this feeling was ever going to go away.

As far as he knew, he’d always had it whenever he thought of the Captain, even when he looked at the damn shrine he’d made of him.  “Kellen?

You’ve been quiet for a while now.” Kellen jerked, unaware that he’d been silent for nearly five minutes.

Taylor had been watching his expression shift through a variety of emotions.

Kellen blinked, exhaling slowly before meeting her gaze.  “I..I think so.” He muttered and she frowned.  “Alright.

Do you want to continue?” She asked, and after he took a sip of his tea latte, he nodded.

“Okay.

How would you feel if the Captain approached you and wanted to do sexual things with you, without guiding involved?

Not practise, not anything beyond two people connecting to each other on a deeper, physical level?” Kellen’s mouth opened, his cheeks flushing a deep red, before he looked away from Taylor.  He couldn’t very well tell her that he was pretty sure that the Captain had basically been grooming him in that direction, could he?

Kellen wasn’t an idiot, and even though it had been in the moment, he couldn’t very well look back on some of the things they had done and say that it was ‘just practise’.

He could, if he wanted to lie to himself.

Fuck.  Kellen put his tea cup down, before covering his face that was only growing hotter and hotter.  “I…I might not hate it.” He mumbled, and Taylor chuckled.

Her eyes were soft as she looked over her friend.

He had no idea what he was admitting to.

At least, not yet.  “What if the Captain told you that he loved you?” Kellen didn’t remove his hands from his face, and he could feel his heart racing in his chest.

The Captain had basically said that to him already, but coming face to face with the words from an outsider made it feel even more crazy.

He was embarrassed.

He was pretty sure he was happy.

Pretty sure that he’d like that if the Captain told him again.  All Kellen could muster was a nod, not even able to make eye contact with the Esper across from him.

Taking a few deep, calming breaths, he tried to calm his racing heart.

When Kellen had gathered himself enough, he peaked through his fingers at Taylor to find that she had a super smug look on her face.  “Spring has finally come.” She stated, and Kellen had no idea what that meant.  “Taylor, what does that mean?” He asked her, clearly concerned and upset at the same time.

Kellen was worried that there was something wrong with him, and she seemed so confident that she knew what was happening to him.

She seemed cocky about it.

She took a sip of her latte and smiled at the man who was slowly lowering his hands, looking as if he was going to reach across the table and strangle her if she didn’t answer him soon.  “It’s nothing bad, Kellen.

I promise.

It’s completely normal, and happens to pretty much everyone.

I have a diagnosis, but I don’t know if you’re ready to hear it.” It sounded very serious, and Kellen was terrified about what that meant.

He leaned forward, tense.  “I’m not dying, am I?” He asked seriously and she laughed.  “No, not any quicker than the rest of us.” Her blue eyes sparkled, full of mischief as she looked over her beautiful, but sometimes dense friend.

“Kellen, you’re in love with Captain Thatcher.” Kellen sat back in shock.

It felt like any thought he had had, flew out of his mind.  “Oh.” He said, feeling like he needed to say something, anything.

Taylor giggled, staring at his dumbfounded expression.

He slowly raised his hand, covering his mouth, still in shock.

“Other people feel like this?

All the time?” Taylor chuckled.  “Yes, quite often.

You missed him, you don’t like the idea of him being with someone else, you can’t imagine yourself with anyone else.

You feel comfortable around him and you are clearly attracted to him physically.

If I’m honest with you, it doesn’t fit into the image you’ve created of a pair, but for the rest of the outside world, yeah, it does.

It’s not that higher compatibility scores mean that it always happens, but quite often love does follow suit for those who have such high scores.

I mean, when you get that close to someone, it does tend to happen.” She smirked, looking at her stunned friend.

“I’m sure the Captain will be pleased with this development.

Who knew all he needed to do was tease you for a week and leave you high and dry for two more?” Embarrassed, Kellen reached over and smacked her knee.

She laughed.  “That’s not how it happened.” He protested and she raised an eyebrow.  “Oh?

Are you going to tell me that the two weeks where you two didn’t interact had no influence on this?” He couldn’t exactly say that, but something told him that she wasn’t quite right either.

A nagging feeling in the back of his mind.  “I don’t think that it was the only thing that played a part in this.

I…” Kellen stopped himself.

He felt the heat slowly sneaking up his neck as Taylor watched on, excited.

He cleared his throat, and tried again.

“I think I’ve liked the Captain for a while.” He muttered and Taylor’s grin was obnoxious.  “Oh good.

I’m glad you brought it up first.

I was going to mention that you probably were attracted to him when you were younger, since you used to steal all of my Esper magazines that had interviews with him in them when we were in high school.” Kellen ducked his head, forgetting that she had seen that embarrassing side of his past.  “Shut up.

I genuinely thought something was wrong with me, okay?

I’ve never felt this way about someone else, and I also didn’t think this was a good thing either.

That might be why…I’ve been avoiding the Captain for so long.” Her grin didn’t change, but she didn’t rub it in his face anymore.

Thank the gods.

She grinned at Kellen as he flushed, sipping at his tea to calm himself.  “Did it hurt you when you heard rumours of us dating?” She asked, curious, and Kellen shrugged.  “I don’t think so?

I think it was because I never considered the depth of what I felt for him until this very minute.

But now that I’m here, if I ever heard a rumour he was…” Kellen couldn’t finish the sentence, the words caught in his throat.

His heart jerked in his chest painfully, and Taylor seemed surprised by the tense, angry expression on his face.

He exhaled slowly.

“I would lose my shit.” He admitted, taking another sip of his tea to calm himself.

Taylor seemed to be enjoying herself.  “Well, I’m glad you aren’t angry at me for it, since it was never going to happen either way.” She held herself together for a few minutes before another grin split her face.

“So?

Now that you know what it is, do you like it?

Being in love?” She asked, giddy.

Kellen swallowed.  “No.

It’s painful.

I don’t know how people handle this.

Ever since I realised it, I realised I’ve been anxious and depressed.

I feel like a bad person every time I see him with someone else.

I haven’t been sleeping well, I’ve been uncomfortable and I feel paranoid.

Nothing has felt okay.

Why do people like this?” Taylor’s face fell and she covered her mouth with her hand.  “I think I might understand why Captain Thatcher was so upset when Hill interrupted us then.

Were you two supposed to talk before you came to do the guiding session?” Kellen nodded and she sighed.

She reached out, grabbing one of Kellen’s hands in hers.

“Kellen, that isn’t all that love is about.

It’s also full of joy and happiness and light.

You just happen to be experiencing…the bad side effects right now because you miss him.” Kellen sniffed.  “So it gets better?

This isn’t forever?” She nodded.  “This is not forever, especially after you tell Captain Thatcher how you feel about him.” He froze.  “I’m not telling him.” Her jaw dropped, and she gave his hand a squeeze.  “Kellen!

Why not?

Why wouldn’t you want to tell the man you love that you love him?” She demanded and he flushed.

Sullenly, he turned his gaze towards the window to look down on the city below.

The people moving about their everyday lives helped calm him as he felt he was in turmoil.  “…He’s going to tease me about it for the rest of time.” He told her rather seriously and she blinked, uncomprehending before she burst into laughter.

CREATORS’ THOUGHTS CalyB Such a sweet little dumb baby.