(BL) Hunting The Field Guide - Chapter 161

Chapter 161: Worries and Insecurities Chapter 161: Worries and Insecurities Kellen finally cleared his throat, and the Captain looked at him.

He pushed his hand away from his mouth.  “Did…Did Uncle Felix share the same beliefs?” Kellen asked and Rhys seemed surprised.

“Oh, I guess that was pretty easy to figure out.

I didn’t hide it particularly well.” He froze.

“Wait, did you just say Uncle Felix?” Kellen nodded, staring into the skin of his shoulder with a thousand mile stare.

“Yeah.

Like me, Mom grew up with a few S Classes.

Uncle Jason was one of them.” He muttered, and Rhys tightened his hand on Kellen’s neck.  “I’m sorry for obviously opening up an old wound then, but to answer your question, yes.

They both agreed.

They said it was something that they had talked about before, but most Espers and Guides under S Class had a hard time understanding where they were coming from.

Understanding that they were old friends, maybe they were talking about your parents.” Kellen sucked in, surprised at discovering new things about the people, the adults he had grown up with.  His Mom and Dad had always been a little bit of an enigma, but since they were his parents, he knew that they would never do anything to endanger him.

They had proven to him over and over that they cared about him, and wanted only what was best for him.  Uncle Jason and Uncle Felix had been the same.

They had shown up to every major life event that they could attend, even avoiding one of their countries when it was Kellen’s time to be sent to the front lines.

They had been so proud of him.

And worried.  Kellen had been devastated when he’d heard the news.

He’d had to end a few contracts that had cost him his reputation at the time because it was either his reputation, or someone’s life.

Thankfully, the missions had gone well without him, but it had taken him a full two weeks to get his shit together enough to go back to work.  He exhaled slowly, his lips shaking.  “I am glad you got to meet them before it happened.” Kellen told him, meaning every word.

“They were great people, and even though everyone said Uncle Jason was crazy, he was one of the best men I knew.

I cannot imagine the pain of knowing the person you cared for the most in the world had died, and now you are a time bomb waiting to hurt the other people you care about.” That was how Kellen chose to remember it.

It was an honourable thing to do.

What he had done was the smart choice, because otherwise, he could have decimated countries.  Rhys threaded his fingers in Kellen’s hair before gently pulling his head back to meet his gaze.

His eyes were kind, and thoughtful.  “For what it’s worth, he seemed perfectly sane to me.

He was quite funny too.” Kellen felt a small, slight smile play at his lips.  “Uncle Jason was always the jokester.

That’s why it was extra special when Uncle Felix told jokes.

It made the whole room feel full.” Kellen’s chest felt tight at the memory, and with a soft exhale, Rhys pulled Kellen closer, wrapping him in his arms.

Kellen exhaled, feeling the comfort of his arms around him, and found that he had been shaking.  “Oh sweetheart.

I had no idea you had such a close bond with them.

I’m sorry for bringing it up then.” Kellen shook his head at Rhys’ apologetic tone.  “No, don’t be.

I am actually very glad you met them, even for a few minutes before they passed.

They were very, very good people.

They were always there for me.

When they died…I didn’t become reckless, but it got hard for a bit there.

I met Brent shortly after that.”  “Are you implying that you only hired Brent because you were grieving?” Rhys asked, a slight, teasing tone to his voice.

Kellen felt a snort come out of his nose.  “Well, I can’t exactly say that it didn’t play a part in it.

You can’t lie to me and tell me that Brent isn’t a good distraction from that kind of stuff.” Rhys chuckled at Kellen’s words.  “No, Brent would be a good distraction, especially if I remember it correctly.

He was trying…to hit on you in the beginning, right?” Kellen sighed, remembering that exhausting time.

Brent had been relentless because he was all bright eyed and bushy tailed.

Kellen had been tired and worn down because of the sudden death of two people who he couldn’t even tell others he was mourning.

He had been trying not to flex his connections, and even in death, he didn’t want others to think he was using his Uncle’s name to gain sympathy.  “He was.

Endlessly.

I cannot remember how many times he tried to proposition me.

He even tried several times to get me involved in threesomes.

Thankfully, everyone around us knew who I was, and what I was like, and laughed off all of Brent’s advances.

Did you know that there was a betting pool?” Kellen could tell that Rhys was getting tense, and he wasn’t sure why.

He was smiling, but something seemed…off.  “No, I had no idea that there was a betting pool.

What was it about?” He asked, and Kellen sighed, wrapping his arms around Rhys tightly.  “It was about how badly Brent was going to get beat up before he gave up.

I bet that it would take a broken limb.

I wasn’t quite wrong.” Kellen told him and Rhys relaxed.  “Oh?

Did you break his limb, Kellen?

How scandalous.

I should release that to the public, see how they react.” Kellen frowned, but knew he was teasing him.  “Oh ha ha.

Very funny Mr.

Esper.

No, I wasn’t the one who broke his arm, it happened while he was in a gate.

He broke both of his arms, and the usual Healer was busy with a more serious case, so I had to nurse him back to health.

After spending two full days with me, I guess I exhausted him enough that he just gave up.

He still made flirty comments, but everyone could tell there was nothing behind them anymore.

They had lost their bite.

I won the betting pool.” Kellen told him, a little smug, and the Captain laughed.

He squeezed Kellen tightly, their chests rubbing together and Kellen felt his face flush.  “Now that you are feeling a bit better, is it alright if I elaborate on the previous discussion we were having?” Kellen froze.

He pushed away from his arms to stare up at Rhys’ face.

His expression was still tender, still soft, and his eyes a warm yellow, but Kellen knew he had to be losing colour in his face again.

“About my Uncles?” He asked, and Rhys shook his head.  “No, about the situation.

What would happen if…if we found ourselves in a similar situation.” Kellen didn’t want to hear it, but he knew he should.

He swallowed thickly.  “I-I don’t think we’ll ever find ourselves in that situation.

I just simply won’t get kidnapped.” Kellen told him firmly, and Rhys’ expression softened further.  “Sweetheart, you know that that isn’t what I want to talk about.

And even if you did get kidnapped, I know they wouldn’t be able to hold you for long.

You’re too strong for anyone normal to be able to hold you.” Rhys exhaled.

“No, I wanted to talk to you about the feelings that you had a hard time understanding.

I can’t speak for your Uncle Jason, but I imagine if I was ever in a similar situation, I think I would feel…relieved.” Kellen had a hard time processing those words.  “Relieved?” Kellen repeated, shocked, and Rhys tenderly stroked Kellen’s cheek with his hand, his eyes the colour of sunflowers.  “As an S Class, I am always filled with worry.

Who am I going to hurt today?

What line must I not cross?

What is the best possible outcome for the day?

Am I regulating my strength enough?

Did I smile enough to seem harmless today?

When a civilian passes me on the street, are they going to flinch away from me?” Seeing how shocked Kellen was, Rhys pressed a kiss against his forehead, trying to comfort him.

“I don’t think my thoughts are that different from other S Classes when you get to the baseline thread.  “We, as S Classes, are always on our toes.

Worried that because of the powers we were ‘gifted’ to overcome difficult situations that we could accidentally turn them against those we care about.

It’s…always on my mind.

Even now.

What if I don’t keep my strength to a normal level?

What if I hurt you?

I know you don’t consider me a monster, and I appreciate it, I do, but…what if I squeeze you too tight and become a monster that even you can’t deny?” Kellen felt his eyes water at the raw emotion, the raw pain in the worlds and expression of the man he realised he loved.

He raised his hands up to cup his face.  “There is no way I would think that.

Even if you squeezed me a little too hard.

I can heal from broken ribs, Rhys.

And hey, I might even enjoy it.” Rhys seemed surprised that he laughed, and he turned his head to press a kiss into Kellen’s palm.  “Thank you for saying so.

I know it’s hard for you to understand, since you are over the moon your powers have gone up in Class.

I am not taking that away from you.

I never would want to, especially since you’re a Guide.

You intrinsically help people, but for some of us, for us Espers…To know you have a deadline and then all of the stress will be over?

I would feel an immense relief, even if I had just lost my pair.

That means even if I fuck up, then they won’t be mixed up in the turmoil.” It was a completely heartbreaking statement.

Rhys said it, and Kellen knew why he had, but it still made him want to cry.  He stared into the eyes of the man who he had only today realised that he had come to have great affection for, only to realise that he had thought that he had known him.

That he knew how he thought, how he lived his life.

But clearly, he had been wrong.

He didn’t know him well enough at all.  He wasn’t upset with what he had found out.

Not at all.

And his words didn’t make him like him any less.

Kellen wasn’t going to fall out of love with him over a statement about suicide.

It was actually the opposite.

Kellen found that this lonely man who played off being strong and the head of a well respected organisation was taking up more and more of his heart by the second.  “I will not let that be the way I die.

Old age will take me.” It was a promise, a fervent one.

The Captain smiled softly.

No Esper or Guide had died of old age yet.  Usually there was a hiccup along the way, a snag in the carpet where the fates messed up and someone had to die.

Rhys didn’t deny his words though.

Instead, he gently pressed his lips against Kellen’s before pulling away.  “Of course.

I believe you.” He meant it, and Kellen felt his eyes water again.

Without hesitation, he wrapped his arms around his shoulders and hugged the man.  The man who had only refused his feelings for him after finding out that he could be a danger to Kellen.

Who had only ever pushed him away in times where Kellen had been in danger.

Every other time after that he had always approached Kellen, always cared for him.

Even angry, he had always tried to put Kellen first.

What did Kellen do in a past life to deserve this man?

CREATORS’ THOUGHTS CalyB Thank you so much for reading!

I promise we’ll be past the heavy things soon!