(BL) Hunting The Field Guide - Chapter 238

Chapter 238: Side Chapter- I’ve had enough.

I can’t do this.

Chapter 238: Side Chapter- I’ve had enough.

I can’t do this.

*Trigger warning!

This chapter contains violence, and it could be viewed as domestic violence!

Please read at your own risk.

Stay safe.

Skip if you cannot handle those kinds of situations.* Casper could feel his face turning red with anger.

His heart was racing in his chest, and his fists were clenched with anger.  Unable to remain where he was, he threw a glare over his shoulder at the infuriating man and marched towards his fridge.

Slamming the door open, he grabbed his water filter and yanked it out.

He didn’t care that water spilled out.

He had a fucking Water Esper in his home.  Nothing fucking mattered.  Turning, he slammed open another cupboard, grabbing a glass, about to turn around when he heard the man speak up behind him.  “What the fuck did you mean by that, Cas?

I never did any of that.” Screeching, because there was nothing else he could do, Casper’s grip on the glass in his hand tightened.

He spun, raising the glass and using it to point at the Esper.  Gunther was only a few paces away from him, on the other side of the counter that divided them, facing Casper as he stood in the kitchen.

His expression was dark, his features twisted into a scowl.  It was the usual look Casper saw Gunther in.

He never fucking smiled around Casper, unless he was getting on his last nerve.  Casper wanted to scream.

The man made him want to commit a crime!

“Never did any of that?” Casper gave a harsh laugh, slamming the glass down onto the counter, not worried if it shattered.

It would have vindicated him if it did.

At least then Gunther would have to notice him and pay attention to him if he was bleeding.

“That’s such a fucking load of bullshit.

You’re the biggest liar that I know, and that includes Pamela.”  Casper glanced up and noticed that Gunther’s brows were furrowed, and he had crossed his arms.

Casper wanted to throw this glass at him.

Maybe he fucking would.  Hands shaking, he poured water into the glass, watching as it filled before he put down the jug.

With a shaking hand, he gripped the glass and raised it to his lips.

Gulping down the cold liquid, he felt it slowly cool his temper.  At least for a moment.  “I’m a liar?

Who do you think you are to say that to me?

I’m not the one who goes around and behaves like I’m holier than thou when I meet everyone.

I’m not the one who behaves like everyone else is beneath me.

Like no one is worthy of me.” Casper let out a harsh laugh.  “Oh?

Is that how you view me?

Like a prickly, pompous Guide who doesn’t know their place?” Gunther froze, his expression showing that he knew he’d said something that he shouldn’t have, but Casper knew better.  He knew Gunther.  He wasn’t one to back down.

Like the waves, he didn’t freeze.

Oh no, he just kept fucking going.  “Well, I wouldn’t say you don’t know your place, but the other two…” He muttered, glancing away and Casper snorted.  “Oh, that’s what you’re going to backtrack?

That I know my place?” Gunther’s already pale face turned a lighter shade.

Casper leaned forward, his eyes narrowed.

“So what’s my fucking place, Gunther?

Where the fuck do I belong?

Because, if I’m honest, I don’t feel like I belong anywhere.” Gunther’s eyes shot wide as Casper let out another harsh laugh.

His heart was in pain, his chest hurt, and he fucking wanted Gunther out of his house.

Out of his home.

His safe haven.

But he knew he wouldn’t leave.

Not until either one of them hurt each other enough to scare the other away.  This had happened so many times already, and Casper’s anger began to fade.

He was tired.

He didn’t think he could do this anymore.  “I’m lonely, Gunther.

And I’m tired.

I’ve been doing this as long as Kellen has, and I’m supposed to have a good match rate, but I don’t have a pair.” Gunther’s jaw tightened, and Casper tried to ignore the sharp, stinging pain in his chest.

“I don’t want to do this anymore.

Let’s be adults about this.” Casper said, feeling his eyes water.

“You don’t want me, and I am tired of waiting for your feelings to change.” Gunther’s expression dropped.  His whole face fell, and his arms fell to his side.

Casper couldn’t look at his expression, and he turned his gaze down to the glass on the counter.

He watched as a drop of water raced down the inside of the glass.  “W-What do you mean by that?

I don’t want you?” Gunther’s voice was shaking, and Casper frowned.  “Don’t play coy.

Don’t talk as if you aren’t aware of it.

The Captain made a comment a while ago, about how you don’t sleep with other Guides anymore.

I don’t think that’s true.

I know you get guiding from others, and that you hate getting guiding from me.

I’m not foolish enough to keep going after a man who actively tells me with all of his actions that he doesn’t want me.” Casper chuckled.  He’d done it for long enough.

After seeing how Kellen and the Captain behaved, he didn’t want this anymore.

If Gunther wasn’t going to be the one to support him, want him, make him feel safe, there had to be others who would.

“What are you saying, Cas?” Gunther asked, his voice dark and Casper shook his head.

He felt the first tear fall, and he watched as it slid under his glasses and dropped onto the counter.  “Are you really going to make me say it?” Casper whispered, angry that he wouldn’t even let him have this.  “Say what?

I don’t understand.” Gunther growled, and Casper raised his head, anger filling him.  “I can’t love you anymore, Gunther!

It hurts too much!

It’s not worth it, since you clearly don’t care about me.

You keep hurting and hurting me, and I don’t want it anymore.

I’m done!” Gunther’s anger faded quickly.

The fastest Casper had ever seen.  “Wait.

Wait wait wait.

You love me?” Casper’s face twisted, anger fueling him.  “Are you a moron?

How on earth could you not know?” Casper flung his hand to the side, almost knocking the glass over.

“I followed you to the Saturn Guild!

You!

I didn’t fucking do it for Captain Thatcher, that’s for sure!

I had way better offers!

People wanted me, but I was an idiot and wanted you!” Casper threw the words at him, stunned that Gunther was behaving this way.

“But you kept pushing me away!

You kept denying me, saying the worst things imaginable to me, and I’m finally done.

Are you happy now?

I’ll leave you alone.” Casper’s vision blurred from his tears and he sniffed.  Fuck.

He hadn’t thought he would be coming to this conclusion right now, but here he was.

He always got like this as soon as Gunther was around.

He fucking hated this.  “Wait, Cas, are you saying that you’re going to leave?” He wanted to laugh that that was the question that Gunther asked.

No pleading for him to change his mind.

No declaring his love.

No.

All he cared about was the fucking Guild.  “Maybe.

But you shouldn’t concern yourself with that.

In fact, don’t worry about me at all.

This might be a good thing.

Kellen’s here, and he has all that experience.

It’s a good time for me to leave.

Not right away, but soon.

I’ll wait till after everything is settled.

After all, if Kellen had been here in the first place, maybe all that stuff with the Guides wouldn’t have happened.” Gunther was across the room and then in front of him in a heartbeat.

Casper’s heart jumped into his throat in fear as Gunther’s hands clasped his shoulders tightly.  “No!

Don’t leave!

The Guild needs you!

No one blames you for that, Cas.

It could have happened to anyone.” Casper laughed.

Could have happened to anyone, huh?  He couldn’t see through his tears.

They kept falling, clouding his vision.

And Gunther’s grip hurt.  “That hurts.” He protested, but Gunther didn’t let go.  “Not until you promise you won’t leave.” Gunther growled.

Casper gave a wet laugh.  “Why are you doing this?

Do you hate me that much?” Casper asked.

He looked at Gunther, but couldn’t see his expression through his tears.

He reached up, pushing his glasses up to wipe his eyes before dropping them down again.

Gunther’s expression was complicated, confused, but his jaw was hard.  “I could never hate you.” He said quietly, and Casper laughed.  “But you could never love me, right?” Gunther’s expression tightened, and Casper laughed.  “I…I would never hurt you that way.” Gunther said, and Casper struggled against his hold.  “Hurt me?

You’re fucking hurting me now, Gunther?

How on earth could loving me hurt me more?” He demanded, and Gunther’s expression cooled.  “You don’t understand.

Your love and my love are different.

They aren’t the same.

I can’t love you.

I care about you too much to do that to you.” He cared about him?

He had a fucking awful way of showing it!

“How?

How is that even fucking possible?

You know what?

No, never mind.

I don’t need to hear it.

Let me go, Gunther.

And get the fuck out of my house.

I don’t want you here anymore.” Panic crossed Gunther’s features.

“No!

You didn’t promise not to leave!” He seemed genuinely panicked, but it was too late.

Casper didn’t care anymore.  “I don’t owe you anything.

Leave!”  “No!”  “If you don’t leave, I’ll get violent!” Casper warned, and Gunther’s expression softened slightly.  “I don’t mind if you hurt me.

Just promise you won’t leave me.” Furious, Casper grabbed the glass next to him.

He knew that Gunther would dodge it.

He knew it.  Swinging, he slammed the glass against Gunther’s face, gasping when Gunther didn’t dodge, and the glass didn’t shatter as it smashed into his face.  “Gunther!

You were supposed to dodge!” Casper shouted, even more angry that the man had made him hurt him.

Gunther didn’t let go of Casper, as Casper dropped the glass and let it smash to the ground as he grabbed his face.  It was already bruising.

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck!  Gunther turned, his dark eyes warm as he stared at Casper.

He turned and spat some blood out on the floor.  “I’ll be fine.

Is that the best you got, Cas?

Did you get it all out?” Horror filled Casper.

He’d never raised a hand against someone like this before, but Gunther…Gunther was behaving like this was normal.

That alone wasn’t normal, and the way that Gunther was now looking at him… Casper stepped back from him, and Gunther let him.  “Y-You should go.

Get that looked at by a healer.” Casper whispered, and Gunther watched him.

His dark eyes scanning him.  “Be careful of the broken glass, Cas.

I wouldn’t want you to get hurt.” Gunther left quietly after that, while Casper felt his head swim.  What had he just done?

And why had Gunther behaved as if…as if he was relieved?

Relieved that Casper had resorted to violence against him?  Casper felt sick to his stomach.

He actually couldn’t keep it in.

Rushing to the bathroom, he threw up.

He’d been angry before, but that?  Gunther was supposed to dodge.

Or stop him.

Why the fuck hadn’t he done that?

Why had he looked that way?

What was wrong with him?

And what was wrong with Casper?

CREATORS’ THOUGHTS CalyB If you think Casper is going to leave, where do you think he would go?

Would he stay in the city?

Or would he go somewhere else?