(BL) Hunting The Field Guide - Chapter 258

Chapter 258: A love built by blood Chapter 258: A love built by blood Kellen shifted in his seat, watching the two from behind the desk.

Casper shifted on the couch, the crunching and rustling from all of the snacks in his arms moving with him.

Casper’s expression was tight, worried, and he was having a hard time meeting Rhys’ gaze.  Rhys stood over the smaller man and if anyone walked in right now, they would think that he was intimidating him.

That this was some kind of a shake down.  “I…we never talked about anything like that.” Casper muttered eventually and Rhys sighed.  “I shouldn’t be surprised.

He rarely spoke to me about it either.” He responded and Casper’s shoulders shook.

“But, we need to speak about it.” Rhys ran his hands over his face before he began to pace the small space.

“Gunther and I…no, the apartment complex was fucked up.

There were good people there, but most people…well, let’s say I wasn’t upset when a gate opened and destroyed the whole area.” The Captain’s smile was hard, bitter.

Kellen had to fight himself from getting up and hugging him.  He didn’t want to distract him, not when it was clear that this was hard to speak about.

Casper was watching the Captain pace the floor, his eyes wide.  “I, well, I knew that much.” Casper muttered quietly and Rhys chuckled.  “Well, you and I have discussed at least this much.

You knew I didn’t like my parents, and I’m sure anyone could make reasonable assumptions based on my response.” Kellen felt Rhys look at him, but he didn’t keep his eyes on him for long before he turned away.

“Gunther’s parents weren’t any better than mine.

No, I actually believe that they were worse.” Rhys said and Casper swallowed.  “Worse?

Worse how?” Rhys made a face full of pain and regret.

Kellen’s heart squeezed.  “Gunther he…fuck.

He didn’t grow up the way I did.” Rhys started.

He ran his hands through his hair, clearly frustrated.

He either didn’t want to speak of this, or was having a hard time putting his thoughts into words.

Kellen had a feeling it was a bit of both.  “What do you mean?” Casper asked.

Rhys honestly looked like he was going to cry.

Kellen hated that he looked like he was in so much pain.  “Gunther’s family was abusive.” He stated.

Casper swallowed, but nodded.

“So was mine.

Those two things are clear.

I managed to handle my situation…okay.

I won’t say that I didn’t have a hard time, but Gunther and I had each other.

I thought we did, but Gunther learned how to deal with the trauma of his family home dynamic in a different way.” Rhys laughed, covering his face.

It was tearing Kellen’s heart apart.  “What way?” Kellen asked softly and Rhys raised his gaze to meet Kellen’s.

He looked tortured.  “He thinks…he thinks a healthy relationship has abuse in it.” The words were filled with so much pain and hurt that Kellen couldn’t do it anymore.  He pushed his chair back, shuffling around the front of the desk and wrapping his arms around Rhys.

Rhys buried his face into Kellen’s shoulder, holding onto him while Casper sat on the couch in shock.  “What?” The words were quiet and Rhys sniffed.

Kellen tightened his grip on the other man.  “I am so sorry, Casper.

I didn’t…I didn’t know until now.

Had I known, I would have addressed this earlier.” Rhys whispered.  “Had you known?” Casper repeated.

Kellen looked over at the other man who sat there, pale faced and in shock.

“Captain, how could you have known?

He didn’t even say anything to you about this.” Casper’s lips were moving but Kellen could tell the man was in shock.

“He was…abused?” Casper repeated and Rhys’ grip tightened on Kellen.  “Yeah.

He never said anything, neither of us did, but we both had…” Rhys didn’t have to finish his words.

It was obvious what he was referring to.

Casper’s eyes began to spill over and he pushed the snacks out of his arms and onto the couch.

He pulled his knees up, pushed his glasses up onto the top of his head and buried his face in his knees as he cried.  “Why the fuck wouldn’t he say anything?

Why didn’t he speak to either of us about this?” Casper’s shoulders shook as he sobbed and Kellen was at a loss.

He couldn’t comfort both of them as they cried, and with the way that Rhys was clinging to him, he didn’t think he could let the other man go.  “Casper, he said you finally made the first move.” Rhys sounded broken as the words left his mouth and the sob that left Casper sounded like it hurt.  “I hit him!” Casper exclaimed.

“That’s not a good thing!

That’s not a first move!” Casper was angry, sobbing, his whole body shaking.

Rhys wasn’t any better.

He was holding onto Kellen like a lifeline, his grip nearly bruising.

His face was pressed into Kellen’s shoulder, and all Kellen could do was rub circles of comfort into his back.

He felt more like a witness then an active participant in this conversation.  “To him, apparently, it is.” Rhys stated grimly.

“I can’t…fuck.

What if he hits you?” Rhys asked and Casper hiccupped.  “He wouldn’t.

Would he?” Casper stared at Rhys and Rhys raised his gaze.  “I don’t know.

I feel like I don’t know him anymore, Casper.

I fucked up so bad.

How could I have not seen that he was hurting?

I knew you were, but I thought it was just some stupid thing that he was hung up on.

Like some stupid idea that he thought he wasn’t good enough for you.

You know, normal, regular things.” Kellen felt his heart jerk and Rhys pressed a kiss against his throat.

“Not you.

I’m not speaking badly about you.” Rhys murmured.  “You better not.” Kellen threatened and Rhys gave him a squeeze.

The words felt like jabs at his heart.

Some stupid things, huh?

Casper was not doing okay.

He raised his face from his knees, tears streaming down his face.

Anger was etched into every inch of his expression, along with a deep, searing pain.

“Captain, no, Rhys, that’s not normal either.

Do you even know the kind of treatment he’s given me?

As soon as he found out that we had feelings for each other, he’s given me the cold shoulder!

He’s pushed me aside, ignored me, made me feel absolutely worthless and-” Casper’s words cut off at Rhys’ grim look.  “Casper, he told me he’d dropped hints.

If he only viewed love through the lens of abuse…” Horror crossed Casper’s expression.  “Is that what it’s like?” He asked and Rhys sighed.  “No?

I mean, not always.

It’s…different from everyone, but maybe that was his way of showing his interest?

Fuck.

I can’t believe I never noticed this until now.

I’m so sorry Casper.

I should have realised something was wrong.” Rhys was fighting himself.

“I got everyone else help but him.

I thought he was fine.” Rhys muttered softly and Kellen tightened his arms around his pair.  “You thought he was fine because you were fine.” Kellen told him and Rhys laughed.  “But I know I’m not really fine.

I shouldn’t have made the same assumption that he was doing okay.

Fuck.

I can’t even-how the fuck do I get him into therapy now?

We don’t have time for this right now!

I don’t have time to bench him to heal, but I can’t have you hurting like this either, Casper.” Casper buried his head in his knees again, rocking slowly on Kellen’s couch.  “I don’t think I can do this, Rhys.” His whisper was broken, and Kellen felt his whole chest shatter for the man.

“I hit him.

I was so sick after I’d done it that I just…this isn’t healthy.

With knowing that Gunther doesn’t view this as healthy to begin with, maybe I should just-” “Are you going to leave?

Like that?” Rhys cut him off, his words sharp.

“You found out that it was hard, and you’re going to leave?” “I’m not you!” Casper fired back and Kellen flinched.

Casper’s words were hard, harsh.

“I’m not like you.

I’ve waited long enough, don’t you think?

If Gunther needs…that, I can’t provide it.

I felt so ill, Rhys.

So, so ill, and you have…you have Kellen now.

You guys don’t need me.” Casper’s words were quiet, deflating and Kellen forced Rhys to let him go.  He turned towards the other Guide, the space small, and he placed his hands on his shoulders.  “I am not your replacement, Casper.” He told the other man and watched as Casper shrugged off his hand.  “Says who?”  “Says me.” Rhys growled.

“You aren’t replaceable, Casper, and I can’t believe you would even say that.

I’m already worried that I’m going to lose one of my friends, don’t tell me that I’m going to lose both of you right now.

I don’t think I could handle it.” Casper flinched.  “You aren’t going to lose me, I just…It wounded me, hurting him.

I don’t think it’s smart for us to be together anymore.

Not if we’re just going to continue to hurt each other.” Rhys groaned, the sound painful as Kellen placed his hand on Casper’s shoulder.  “So you think leaving is better?” Kellen asked and Casper sniffed, tears still streaming down his face.  “What other choice do I have?

I don’t want to take everything away from him.

It’s better if I leave, then if he does.

The Guild, the Captain, is all he has.” Kellen’s heart squeezed at the way these two loved each other.  “What about you, Casper?

Isn’t the Guild all you have as well?” He asked and watched as Casper looked away, biting his lip.  “I can…I can rebuild.

I’m fit for it, you know?” He was trying to make a joke, but it was lost when the man was shaking, wrapped in so many sweaters he was twice his size, and he couldn’t stop leaking like a broken faucet.  Kellen sighed, closing his eyes for a moment.  “You aren’t leaving.” Rhys ordered, and Kellen wanted to groan.

Now was not the time to use that kind of voice, and Kellen opened his eyes and watched as Casper bristled.  “We don’t want you to leave.” Kellen told Casper before he could react negatively.

“I can’t replace you, no matter what that brain of yours has told you.

I’m not good enough.

I’m not really made for leadership roles in the way that you are.

You are needed, and are important, Casper.

We’ll…figure out all this stuff with Gunther together.

I don’t think he’d want to chase you out of the Guild.

Even if his form of love is, uh, messed up, I know he wouldn’t want that.” Kellen told him and watched as Casper crumbled.  He was sobbing, his body shaking and when Kellen glanced at Rhys, he wasn’t much better.

He was shaking, trembling, with a long, distant look in his gaze.

Kellen needed to comfort both of them, but didn’t know if he could.

He was a little out of his depth, and the one man he would normally rely on in this situation was heavily injured.  He was going to have to buckle up and manage this on his own.

At least until his Dad was better.

CREATORS’ THOUGHTS CalyB Kellen’s got some big problems he has to work through.