(BL) Hunting The Field Guide - Chapter 271

Chapter 271: Good times and guilt Chapter 271: Good times and guilt Kellen needed to work on his own personal control.

He felt like he was drowning in his feelings for Rhys, but that wasn’t what Rhys needed at the moment.

He needed comfort, not Kellen having his hands all over him.

Kellen felt a little guilty for his feelings, but at the same time, Rhys didn’t seem to…mind?

It didn’t ease the feeling inside of him, but with the way that Rhys held him, fed him, and cared for him, Kellen wondered briefly if this was a good distraction for him.

To forget the thoughts and worries he had for Gunther.  Kellen didn’t mind being a distraction, but at the same time, he wanted to be able to care for Rhys while he was feeling this way.  He needed to put his own feelings to the side.  That was hard to do after their conversation, and Kellen’s threat, but at the same time, Rhys seemed…better.

Soothed in a way, and Kellen was finally able to convince him to eat for himself.

Kellen was even able to feed him in the same way that Rhys had fed him, without the comments.  Kellen wasn’t quite to the same level as Rhys, and from the way those damn yellow eyes glittered, Rhys knew it too.  It was an enjoyable moment.

An enjoyable time for the two of them.

Kellen was happy that they had this time with each other, even if it was because of such an awful thing.

He actually felt guilty for thinking that way.

It was at the cost of Gunther’s misfortune, or more accurately, Casper’s misfortune since Gunther didn’t even know what was wrong yet.  Kellen even forgot that he was injured since his legs were across Rhys’ lap, elevated, and Rhys was stroking them without agitating his injury.

They just…enjoyed each other’s company.

Kellen didn’t think about how much Rhys was drinking since Rhys had told him not to worry.

It was actually quite nice to watch as Rhys slowly got more intoxicated.  The light flush on his cheeks, the easy way he smiled and the dilation of his pupils told Kellen that this Rhys was getting to the first edge of intoxication.

Rhys also got more touchy-feely.

Kellen was still nursing his first cider and couldn’t help but giggle as Rhys kissed his neck, blowing raspberries against his skin as he murmured sweet nothings to him.  Kellen felt guilty for how full and happy his heart was.

The only comfort he was able to give himself was that he wasn’t going to let Gunther live the rest of his life, now that he knew the issue, without feeling like this.  Love was so much more than what he’d believed.

What he and Gunther had believed.  Kellen had thought that all he needed was a partner to take care of, someone who could also take care of him.

A person who he could pour his powers into so he didn’t feel as worthless, someone who he had to guide at higher levels eventually.

Kellen had only thought about the simple benefits.

He hadn’t even considered what it would mean to have another person in his life that he could actually rely on.  It made sense.

He’d had to solely rely on himself for so long, and even when Brent came along, he’d only given him maybe a quarter of the burden he carried on his shoulders at any given time.

Not that Brent wasn’t capable of handling more, but that was all Kellen had been willing to give him at the time.  Even now, Brent probably only had about a third of the responsibilities that he should have, but then again, Kellen also felt bad.  Kellen had blackmailed Brent into working with him here.

Yes, he was contracted for a short term, and he would be sent out with the first group of Field Guides that they had trained to the front lines, but that didn’t mean Kellen didn’t feel guilty.

It had nothing to do with his competency.

Brent was plenty competent.  Kellen just had a hard time giving up control.

Which led back to his relationship with Rhys.

Sure, he could talk big.

Say that Rhys couldn’t get rid of him.

Even declaring that he was Rhys’ pair in front of the whole Guild when Rhys himself wasn’t so sure, but that didn’t mean Kellen knew what followed after it.  Kellen hadn’t anticipated moments like this.

He hadn’t expected to actually enjoy being around Rhys.

That he would find comfort in his company, or his arms.

He’d always liked men, but he didn’t realised that being held by him, surrounded by his scent and warmth would soothe his worries.

Waking up every morning in the Captain’s arms had really comforted Kellen.  The two weeks when he hadn’t had much contact with him had really hurt Kellen.

He realised now that he was lonely and sad, and maybe even a little lovesick, but at the time he had pretended that he was fine.

He didn’t even know how to put what he was feeling into words.  But now he had sorted out his feelings, mostly, and this time felt like the calm before the storm.

He knew that they hadn’t dealt with anything, not really.

The Guides weren’t in the tower yet, his Dad’s shooter was still at large, and no one else had entered the gate beyond the unfortunate scouting team.  No one wanted to enter the gate after the scouting team.  If Kellen was honest, he had been avoiding getting more information on the gate.

Not out of fear like everyone else, but because he was upset that it was taking time from him and Rhys.  He felt like such an ass for admitting that to himself.

People had died and here he was, upset that the gate had separated him and his new pair.

It was so small, and so silly.

He had bigger responsibilities.

Hell, he was training Field Guides to go into the gate.

Bree was only a few short weeks away from having to go into the gate without him.

He needed to get over this.  Maybe he should go back to therapy too?  Would that be a good incentive for Rhys and Gunther?

Kellen going first, showing them that once you made a connection with a therapist that you liked, that it wasn’t scary?

Or, it was scary, but not in the way that they were worrying about?  It seemed so simple when he thought about it, but would it actually be simple in practise?

Gosh, this was so much to think about, but unlike Rhys, he couldn’t reset himself, and he wasn’t about to ask Rhys to consider resetting him.  He had a feeling, a sneaking suspicion, that was something he shouldn’t ever bring up.

He didn’t know why, but something about the way Rhys spoke about it made him believe that Kellen should never speak of it.  Kellen wasn’t an Esper.

He was a Guide.

As much as their powers were complimentary, who was to say something like that couldn’t backfire?

Kellen didn’t want to forget everything that happened in his life, and he knew Rhys would never forgive himself if something went wrong.  So he was never going to poke that bear.

But therapy?

He’d poke that bear.  It had really helped him get that chip off of his shoulder.

It had been so much worse when he was younger.

He’d learned to forgive the people who had hurt him.

Not fully trust them again, but forgive them.

For himself.  Even if it was clear to him that Gwen never had, and probably never would, it was better for Kellen to forgive.

Having a clear line in the sand helped him process things.

Always had, always would.  Which might have been the reason he had been so insistent with Rhys about establishing what they were.

Gosh, he’d been such an idiot.

How had he ever thought that they could be not together romantically and still be a pair?  They hadn’t even gone the whole way yet, and Kellen had responded so…aggressively when they had guided at just a slightly higher level.

He had underestimated the level of emotions that were involved.

He felt embarrassed at how he had behaved.  How strongly he had resisted, when it was clear to everyone else how easily he was going to fold.  “What has you blushing like that, hmm?

Is it me?” Rhys asked, his voice a little slurred and Kellen jerked.

He hadn’t realised his mind had wandered so far, and when he looked up at the Esper before him, he was slightly slumped over, his hair in his face and his eyes glazed.  “I was just thinking about the past.” Kellen told him honestly, without elaborating.

Rhys pouted.  “What kind of past?

The crushes you had before me?” Kellen blinked, before his face heated more.

Honestly, he couldn’t remember having a crush before the Captain.

It might have to do with the fact that Rhys awoke when he was a teenager, and because he was an S Class he was recruited into the D.E.C.

right away.

So Kellen had seen him grow up, or watched him grow up from afar.

So his crush had been able to mature with him as he aged.

Yes, Rhys was older than him.

But it wasn’t a crazy amount.  Also, who in their right mind would think that they would end up with their celebrity crush?

Or their first love?

God, it certainly wasn’t Kellen.  “Uh, no.” Kellen muttered.

“I was thinking about maybe going back into therapy.” He told him, avoiding that conversation in its entirety.

He didn’t want to be teased so early in the night.

Rhys tsked.  “Bah.

Therapy.

Does it really help?” He asked.

It was clear to Kellen that the man might have sent others to it, but he clearly didn’t really believe in it himself.

Or, for himself.

Kellen chuckled.

Like him, Rhys had relied on himself from a young age.

He had to.  He’d awoken as a teen.  Kellen sighed, reaching out and cupping his face.

Rhys leaned into the touch, his eyes closing as he smiled happily.

It was adorable, and Kellen felt his heart ache with how easily the man gave him everything.

How he had always been there, waiting, and Kellen was reminded about how he had snapped at him at the photo shoot.  Damn it, he felt so bad for that.  “It does work, if you have the right therapist.” Kellen said, and Rhys scrunched up his face.  “Ugh.

You’re going to force me, aren’t you?” He grumbled and Kellen chuckled.  “Is there something you’d like as an incentive?” He asked and Rhys’ eyes shot open.

He didn’t even hesitate, as if he had been thinking about it for a while.  “The aprons.

I want you to wear the pocket apron for me.

Nothing else.

Just the apron.” Kellen’s face flamed as he remembered the aprons he’d bought him.

He’d partially forgotten about them, but now… “Fine.

If you complete 5 sessions, and actually try, I’ll wear the apron.

Deal?” Kellen held out his pinky finger and Rhys grinned, wrapping his finger around Kellen’s.  “That’s the easiest deal I’ve ever made.” CREATORS’ THOUGHTS CalyB Rhys has been thinking about those aprons for a long time.

Just always in the back of his mind.