(BL) Hunting The Field Guide - Chapter 399

Chapter 399: Sometimes we all forget to communicate
Trigger warning- mentions of suicide. Not anything graphic, but could be a concern for some people. Please read at your own discretion.

Kellen flinched.

“Ah, well, I know that sounds bad but…He shouldn’t have remained here. Rhys was…” Kellen sighed. “No, it wasn’t just Rhys. Hill, and everyone was worried about him. I was worried about him.” Kellen glanced at Casper. “Did you know why they were monitoring him?” He didn’t think it was a bad thing to tell Casper if he didn’t know.

If he did know, then Casper should understand a bit why Kellen had sent him away.

Casper shook his head, his eyes hardening into grey stones and Kellen winced. Ah hell.

“Probably because they wanted to keep an eye on him? Make sure he didn’t run away?” Casper replied and Kellen sighed.

“You’re half right.” He muttered. The wind was sufficiently knocked out of his sails. “Casper…I, you need to keep this between us. If Rhys finds out that I told you…” He trailed off and Casper tensed.

“What? What is it?” He asked, tense. Kellen frowned.

“Rhys kept seeing one future. Or, something like it. No matter what he saw, what he tried to do. He kept searching and searching for a different future, but he couldn’t find it. Until he finally did.” Kellen swallowed. Casper didn’t catch on, didn’t clue in, and Kellen swore quietly.

“What was he seeing? I don’t get it Kellen. You need to be more clear.” Casper’s tone held a hint of anger to it and Kellen sighed.

“Rhys kept seeing Gunther killing himself. Over and over and over.” All the colour drained from Casper’s face.

“What?” He raised a shaking hand to his mouth, covering it as he shook. It was clear it was a great shock to him, and Kellen thought, for the first time, maybe Casper didn’t realise how mentally unstable Gunther was. Gunther was emotional, had always been, but he at least had hidden some of his bad traits from Casper.

“Casper, I’m sorry for telling you like this. But…Gunther doesn’t…he doesn’t see a future, quite literally, without you in it.” Casper looked horrified, but what truly worried Kellen was the fact that his eyes began to water.

“Oh my god. Oh my god.” Kellen couldn’t stand to watch the other man’s distress, and got up, standing before he moved towards Casper. He sat back down next to him before he pulled the other man against him.

“I’m sorry. I thought you had some idea about this. I didn’t realise Hill and Rhys kept this from you. I have no idea why they did.” Kellen lied. He wrapped his arms around Casper, feeling the man shake. Tremble, really. Casper let out a laugh. It was a harsh sound, and it hurt Kellen’s soul.

“I know why. I wasn’t-hell, neither one of us was stable enough to hear the truth.” Casper muttered. “Oh my god. Do you know how many he saw?” Casper asked, his arms slowly wrapping around Kellen, squeezing him. Kellen’s chest ached, remembering the state Rhys had been in that night.

“It was enough. Too many, if you ask me. I lost it on Gunther. I won’t apologise for that. He was just letting himself rot. You didn’t deserve that. He didn’t either. He wasn’t trying to get better, nothing. He was lashing out. You should have seen the state Hill and Rhys were in.” Kellen let out a dry laugh. “Or maybe not. You might not have found it funny.” Kellen muttered.

“So he was…he was on suicide watch?” Casper asked after a long pause. Kellen nodded, letting out a sigh.

“Yeah. He was. I’m sorry Casper. I thought you had some idea.” Casper shook his head, giving Kellen a squeeze.

“No. I…thank you for telling me. I should know these things. I just think everyone was being considerate of me and my…situation in regards to Theodore.” His voice was quiet as he spoke. He buried his face in Kellen’s shoulder, and Kellen stared at the kitchen and front door, just holding the man.

“Maybe too considerate.” Kellen muttered and Casper laughed.

“Is that why you sent Theodore away?” Casper asked and Kellen sighed.

“I gave him a choice. Told Rhys to blame me for it. He wasn’t getting better by being locked up, and I saw an issue that could potentially allow him to get some of his anger out. He wasn’t going to therapy, wasn’t trying to get better, was just beating up Hill. Two of the lieutenants were locked up, unable to do their jobs, and it was a waste of time and energy. So, I saw an opportunity, and seized it.” Kellen squeezed Casper. “I know that makes me sound like an asshole, and that’s okay. I just couldn’t watch everyone suffering anymore. You weren’t coming down either, too nervous with him even in the building.” Casper winced at the reminder.

“I wasn’t…” Casper tried to defend himself, but Kellen just gave him a squeeze.

“It’s okay. You don’t need to justify it. I have no idea what kind of pain you were in, I just know what I saw. Gunther, er, Theodore chose to go undercover. He could have said no. I wouldn’t have pressed him if he didn’t want to, and it wasn’t like I was going to send him out there without support. Each Guiding Center has a little spot ready for him, on the Saturn Guild’s orders, as well as on the government’s orders.” Casper let out a ragged breath.

“I…I heard about that. I overheard the Guides, un, Gabby from Guiding Center B and a few of ours chatting about a new program that had been put in place.” Kellen nodded.

“Yeah. It’s supposed to be a secret, so I’ll need to have a talk with Gabby about that, but I just…he’s away from home, he left because he wasn’t doing too well. I don’t want him to think that Rhys abandoned him, or that the Guild was sending him away as a punishment. That’s not it. I just thought he would be good at it, he can be really condescending sometimes, and that he would be able to come back with a clear head.” Casper let out a laugh, sounding shocked that he had. Kellen smiled.

“He can be pretty condescending sometimes.” Casper agreed. “I just…I’m sorry Kellen. I blamed you for it.” Casper said, and Kellen smiled.

“As you should. I did it.” Kellen told him, accepting the blame and that was when Casper pushed him away, meeting his gaze. He was crying, and that surprised Kellen.

“No! I shouldn’t be blaming you. I was just looking for somewhere to vent my anger. I was mad at the whole situation. At Theodore, and the Guild, and the universe. At myself. I just…you were the perfect scapegoat. I just pushed everything onto you and I pulled back.” Oh. Kellen hadn’t even considered that anything related to Gunther was the reason why Casper had pulled back.

Thinking on it, it did make sense now. Kellen felt a little foolish for not connecting the dots. Whoops.

“I’m not upset about it, Casper. I’m just glad that you admitted it. Honestly, I noticed, but I just thought it was because of something that I did. I was planning to speak to you about it, but I hadn’t mustered up the courage yet.” Kellen told him with a smile and Casper’s face fell. He swallowed.

“I’m so sorry. I should have spoken to you about it sooner. I was just being stubborn, and rude. I didn’t expect you to call me over when you saw me. I thought that because of the treatment I had been giving you that you wouldn’t have called out to me. I felt so damn guilty when you treated me like normal, like nothing was wrong.” Casper told him, scanning his face, looking ill.

“Casper, it’s okay. I’m not the kind of person who is going to treat you poorly just because you have changed how you treat me. I worked on the front lines for 7 years, remember? I’ve worked with a lot of people.” Kellen told him, chuckling. That didn’t seem to help. In fact, that only seemed to make Casper look worse.

“I shouldn’t have done that. I knew what others had done to you before. I should have spoken to you about my issues. It wasn’t right. I knew you had issues around friends, and I considered you one at the time. I…I had doubts, but I do still consider you a friend, Kellen. I’m sorry for hurting you.” Kellen felt his throat close up and Casper’s sincere words.

“It’s…fine, Casper. We’re talking now. I…I still consider you a friend. I was…I was hurt. I won’t lie about that, but I just…I guess I thought it was just par for the course.” Casper looked even more upset.

“I’m so sorry. Listening to you talk and hearing your side has really helped me. Thank you for…for looking out for us. I’m sorry for doubting you.” Casper whispered, pulling Kellen tightly against his chest and Kellen swallowed. His chest was tight, and his eyes felt like they were prickling. He might cry.

It was at this moment the sound of the door unlocking filled the air and both Casper and Kellen froze. Rhys opened the door, a smile on his face until he saw Casper and Kellen sitting on the couch, arms around each other as they hugged. He froze.

“Should I be worried?” He asked, as Casper practically threw Kellen away from him, raising his hands up as he sniffed and turned towards Rhys.

“No! Kellen and I were just-”

“We were just having a difficult conversation. Casper needed some comfort, and then I did too.” Rhys’ expression softened.

“Oh. Were you talking about your aunt?” Rhys asked and Kellen shook his head. Casper jerked, turning his gaze towards Kellen.

“Your Aunt? You have an Aunt?” He asked and Kellen chuckled.

“No. A family friend, but I call her Aunt Dina.” Kellen said and that only seemed to confuse, and then worry Casper.

“What happened? Wait, I heard that your parents came home this morning. They’re fine, right?” Casper confirmed, sniffing as he wiped his eyes under his silver glasses.

“They are. My Aunt Dina…the E.A.G. got to her. They…” Kellen trailed off, his throat locking up. Rhys, who had been locking the door behind him and kicking off his shoes after the situation had been cleared up, came over. He plopped himself down on the couch behind Kellen, placing his hand on Kellen’s shoulder.

“His Aunt Dina’s partner was killed by the E.A.G.” Casper gasped, horrified.

“Oh Kellen! I’m so sorry!” Kellen shrugged at his words, a bitter smile playing on his lips.

“I am, sadly, used to it.” Kellen muttered, lying to himself, and the others. Casper and Rhys didn’t buy it, but neither of them called him out on it either. Rhys pressed a kiss against his cheek.

Casper sniffed again, steadying himself.

“How come I haven’t heard about this? Why isn’t it in the news?” He asked and Kellen sighed.

“I think my Aunt Dina didn’t want it to make a big splash. Take away some of their power. Plus, her partner came from a relatively wealthy family abroad. They probably didn’t want it to be known.” Kellen sighed. “Maybe. I don’t know. I never actually got to meet her. Spoke to her over the phone, but no in person visits. I haven’t been abroad, unlike my parents. Just the city and the front lines for me.” Kellen told them and Casper sighed.

“Oh Kellen. Are you going to the service?” He asked, glancing between Rhys and Kellen. Kellen shook his head.

“She won’t let me. She pretty much already told me not to come. I offered help, and Rhys backed me up, but she wants to get revenge on her own. She knows I painted a target on my back intentionally and she doesn’t want to be the reason that they got to me.” Kellen understood. He wouldn’t want to be the reason someone else died. Casper’s expression was full of sympathy.

“Well, you let us know if you need any help. I have a few contacts from my D.E.C. days abroad, and I’m not afraid to reach out to see if they can help.” Kellen appreciated it, and smiled, reaching out and taking Casper’s hand in his own. He gave it a squeeze, much to Casper’s surprise.

“Thank you Casper. I appreciate it. I’m sure Mom is doing the same, along with Dad. The thought counts, even if she won’t let us help.” Casper nodded, swallowing. He glanced around, his gaze landing on Rhys, before he flushed.

“I should-I should get going. We have another busy day tomorrow. I will speak to you tomorrow. And…thanks for the talk, Kellen.” He gave Kellen a smile, before pulling his hand free, taking a few sips of his tea, before scrambling out of the apartment.

“Is Casper okay?” Rhys asked and Kellen sighed.

“I hope so.” He muttered. “Apparently, he had a few things confused but I think we’ve cleared it up.” Kellen told him and Rhys grunted.

“Huh. Well, glad that you two were able to talk it out. Did you eat?” Kellen nodded. “Did you want to have a few drinks and watch a movie? I’m exhausted, and need to turn off my brain.” Rhys suggested and Kellen sighed heavily.

“That sounds divine. Let’s go get changed into comfier clothes.”