Escaped My Ex, Got Snatched by His Rival - Chapter 188

Chapter 188: Constant suppression leads to explosion
“I would like to know what’s wrong with me, Doctor Stoll,” Ariana said firmly.

“I am not against telling you the truth. This is your condition, of course, you have the right to know the truth but,” Doctor Stoll interlocked his fingers and placed the elbows of his arms on the polished surface of his table. “I have a small request.”

Ariana asked the Doctor, “Request? What kind of request?”

“Treatment. In return, I want you to continue with your treatment which is absolutely necessary,” replied Doctor Stoll. “You know how mental health and psychological departments are ignored by people. As long as it’s something to do with a person’s mind, they would try to reject reality at all cost.”

He spread his left hand to the side and stated, “In such conditions, two things happen— One the patient refuses and rejects to take treatment as he or she refuses to admit that there is something wrong with their mind.”

Then he held the other hand on the side and continued, “Or the patient would try to suppress their condition until an outburst happens. A common occurrence of accepting the truth but pretending to be fine.”

Doctor Stoll looked at Ariana heavily and said to her, “You are an intern, Miss Harlow. You should understand how important mental peace and health are for the doctors. Your condition is not severe and can be treated, which is why I expect full cooperation from you.”

“However, that’s only possible if you are willing to take the treatment. You as an intern should know better than anyone that doctors are not gods, if you do not tell the truth to them and hide your condition, there is not much that we can do.”

“I…understand,” Ari clenched her finger on her lap. Though she was a bit taken aback after finding out that there was something wrong with her mental state, she had more or less expected it. “Don’t worry Doctor Stoll, the reason I came to the psychiatric ward was to find out if something is wrong with me. Since I chose to take this step, I will see it through to the end.”

“Hah, that’s the spirit,” Doctor Stoll nodded as he dropped his hands on the table. He picked up the reading glasses and placed them on the bridge of his nose.

He read a few lines that were written on the notepad by his assistant and shook his head. After a short pause, he began, “Miss Harlow, you told me and my assistant that you took up painting to cope with your anger and rage, is that correct?”

“That is correct,” Ariana answered. She felt that there was something wrong with her as she felt that her anger was too loud and raging than the rest.

“Have you ever considered the fact that there might be no problem with your emotions but with your acceptance?” Doctor Stoll questioned causing Ari to snap her head and look at him with confusion in her eyes.

The man smiled at her gently. He placed the documents in his hands on the table and settled his hands next to the documents.

“Miss Harlow, you are not the first person who is facing such a thing, so please relax and listen to me carefully, alright? There is no need for you to get instinctively worried,” Doctor Stoll must have noticed that there was something wrong with her emotions because he immediately encouraged Ariana.

He then broke it down to her, “I believe that instead of having extremely aggressive attacks, what you are having must be episodes. Most probably, your emotions were never accepted as a child. There is a highly likely chance that your parents asked you or even said things like you were overreacting to some completely normal things.”

“Someone must have made you feel like your reactions were close to extreme, but I assure you that those reactions must have been calm and acceptable,” Doctor Stoll went on as he pushed his glasses on the bridge of his nose as they slid down a little. “Which led to you unconsciously suppressing your emotions in every situation where you should have lost your temper or made your emotions known to others.”

He raised his head and added with a sympathetic smile, “In short, you have suppressed your emotions too much. You feel guilty about expressing yourself or when you let your temper get the best of you, which leads to you taking it out passively in a way where no one would get hurt.”

Ari didn’t know when her fingers unconsciously loosened, she looked at the man in front of her, and for a long time, she felt like she was listening to another language.

Her reactions were normal? She had been suppressing her emotions?

Ari thought of the countless times when her mother had said the opposite of Doctor Stoll.

‘You …have you gone mad? So what if I gave your sister eggs and you only get bread with butter? Ariana, you are being too noisy and rude. Do you know how many people sleep without getting anything to eat? You should be lucky that you are getting something.’

Mrs Nelson was the same. As that woman had brushed her emotions to the side and often said,

‘What do you mean by this? Do you think that my son is having an easy time? So what if he is late? Who would like to come back to a house and to a wife who only knows how to pull her face now and then.’

Ari had always thought that she had done a good job suppressing her anger and frustration but it was never enough according to others.

To them, she was like a brat who did not know what was right and wrong.

But now the beliefs that Ariana had seemed to have crashed. She always believed that something was wrong with her, but what if nothing was wrong with her?

Somewhere inside her head Ariana felt something break and shatter into pieces, and she had no idea whether to collect and piece them back together or leave them alone.