I Became My Healer Elf Character - Chapter 115

Chapter 115: Pasts Not Remembered
As the group made their way into the manor, Hikari looked around the room, and took in the fancy building. There were wooden stairs on both sides of the entrance with high class railings. The dark wooden finish combined well with the interior decor. Along the walls, there were paintings with dark frames that held all kinds of scenery.

On a particularly long wall, there was a painting of the city they now resided in. Only, it was painted from the ground. It created a magnificent view of the bottom of a city, held aloft in the air among the clouds. The magical blue glyphs running along the bottom of the whole things created a unique contrast.

But Hikari was more interested in what the butler had to say. She’d been thinking up questions in her head the whole time they walked, and the perfect opportunity presented itself when they were led to an extravagant living room.

She took a seat on the plush cushions of the couch and accepted the tea offered to her by some waiting maids. She looked at the butler who remained composed on the outside, but the elf knew it was all an act.

“So, you said before you know who I am. I am very intrigued about this matter.” She gestured to a cushioned seat on the other side of the table. “Please, sit down, and speak plainly.”

“But…” the butler looked at Syndra to be certain, yet the cat girl simply nodded. “Alright, I will speak as plainly as possible.”

The butler took his seat. “Before we get started, introductions are in order. I’m Julius Cloudcroft, and I’ve taken care of all matters surrounding this manor for years. My expertise on those subjects has waned over the years, so take whatever I say lightly.”

Hikari chuckled and shook her head. “Any information is good. Besides, I’ve a feeling you’re more competent than you say. You strike me as more of the butler with hidden talents.”

The gray-mustached man smiled and took a sip of his own tea cup. “You may be right, Lady Hikari. Now then, where should we start?”

Hikari shrugged. “How about you start from the beginning. You said that scholarly people know about me, but I don’t recall ever doing things like handing out blessings.”

“Indeed, since we are speaking plainly, it’s exactly that. Only those who are well-studied would know. There are many places where one can enroll and learn the ways of the world, but most people who attend classes heard your name at least once. As a goddess, you’re enigmatic.”

“Enigmatic?”

The butler nodded. “Nobody has really been able to pin down your domain, but you’re attributed for a lot of things. Several people have claimed to see you perform feats that are even above the other gods, yet no claims are verified. Many of the accounts are old, and you know what time does to history.”

“Certainly, but if most of my accounts are old, how do they know what I would look like? You knew me basically as soon as you saw me.”

“They describe you as an elf. Once more, you’re said to have a strong dragon companion.” The butler looked towards the dragon in question who’d already begun devouring plates of meat the maids brought for her. “Lady Kurayami, I presume?”

Kurayami puffed her chest. “You’re a smart individual. Of course, I’m Master’s most devout subject and her very first lover.”

The shocked butler opened his eyes in surprise. “The records never mentioned anything like this.”

Hikari sighed and shook her head at the dragon. “It’s a more recent development anyway.”

“I had no idea that gods and goddesses would actually enter in relationships. I’d heard about such things, but to see it in reality…”

“In the end we’re the same. What separates gods from mortals is merely a power issue and an issue of domain. If Syndra wanted to, she could probably become a goddess.”

The cat girl in question stiffened when she heard her name. “I could?”

“Yes, you’re already well on the way in my mind. If you ever read those cultivation stories on Earth, you’d probably consider it something like a breakthrough. But it’s probably more complex.”

“Probably?” The butler asked.

“Well, yeah, I’m not really certain of everything. My situation is a bit unique. Besides, I’m more curious in everything you know about me. Can you touch on some of the important bits that are considered my history?”

“Once again, keep in mind that these things are all very obscure. However, many people that do worship you tend to believe that you’re the best healer, even greater than gods that have such domains as life or light. Luckily, this kingdom doesn’t recognize a proper religion, so people are allowed to worship freely. But, there are kingdoms where your worship is akin to a cult following. Where they only recognize the pantheon.”

“The pantheon?”

“Yes, it’s the gods that are considered ‘proper’. Those who carried their own doctrine and passed it down to their believers. It’s very rare for people to encounter a god that is not of the pantheon. The so called loner gods can be seen as heretical in many places. Moreover, there is the issue of you taking the life of another god.” The butler paused, completely unsure of himself. “Is it really true? Did you take the life of another goddess? Is that even possible?”

Hikari sighed. “I may have taken the life of someone people considered to be a goddess, yes. Though, all of the knowledge of those events elude me. There is just too much I don’t know about this version of me.”

“What do you mean ‘this version’? Did you lose your memories? Is amnesia possible as a goddess?”

“The fact of the matter is, I don’t remember. Whether it’s because I lost the memories or deleted them myself, that all remains to be seen. I’ve found no proof in either of the things so far.”

The butler shook his head. “I find it hard to believe that you would simply forget things as mortals would. Since regaining your memories, have there been things you’ve forgotten in your travels?”

Hikari remembered when she first appeared in the other world on that stump. All of her actions were accompanied by a certain poise and posture of a goddess. Despite never living like that before, those movements were ingrained into her bones. Even now, the way she sipped tea was elegant. If anything, she had to purposefully try to make herself appear more normal.

However, the old Hikari and the new Hikari were not entirely separated. There were times when the current Hikari was clumsy. Times where she didn’t know what she should do. Times where she was forced to rely on the people around her, and these were all things that the mortal Hikari had to do.

It was like two of herself merged together. One was a mortal being on Earth, and the other was an elven Goddess of Hope. Sometimes, the instincts of both would manifest in strange ways.

Hikari was shy around her lovers and strong versus her enemies. She was completely relentless, and even killing a demon soon after her reincarnation provoked no sense of guilt or shame. The elf found that many of her actions were based off a life she had no recollection of. The Goddess of Hope is the thing she could never remember being.

Though it was true that the people around her remembered such a thing. Why hadn’t she just asked Kurayami to tell her everything she remembered? Was it because she didn’t believe that the dragon would know? Or was there some other reason for her actions? If one were to retrospectively look at Hikari, they could say she was being silly and dense. There was a resource right next to her.

Even though Kurayami never had the best memory, she would remember many things that Hikari didn’t. Moreover, Mizuko would have kept it even more detailed. That was another thing. Why did Mizuko never point out these inconsistencies in my gaps of knowledge? How come she never tried to inform me? Was she being considerate?

However, the answer was likely more obvious in Hikari’s mind. She was afraid. Yes, she was scared of learning who she was as a Goddess of Hope. The fear that her mortal self would be erased hung on her like a bad smell. It was likely that both Kurayami and Mizuko could sense that, yet they never seemed panicked that Hikari didn’t know her past or what to do. They had absolute faith in her. They held Hope in their own goddess.

All of those thoughts came to an end, and it took less than a second. She processed everything she wanted to say, but only a few words were necessary. The elf looked at the butler and answered his question.

“There are plenty of things I’ve forgotten in my travels. Along the way, I’ve made many mistakes, and I will continue to make more.” She paused and gave the man a small grin. “After all, nobody is perfect.”