Tangled in Moonlight: Unshifted - Chapter 230

Chapter 230: Ava: Change of Balance
“I’ll get the Magister,” Marcus offers. “You focus on the those other ones. Try not to flood the room or something.”

“I can swim,” Vanessa says. “I can probably keep her afloat until you get here.”

Their faith in me is so touching. “I’m not going to flood the room, guys.”

“Did you know you were going to set a paper on fire before you did it?” Marcus looks stern, but there’s a slight twinkle in his eyes, and a little quirk to his smile, that tells me he’s becoming more comfortable around me.

At least he’s not trying to escape the general vicinity of magic, after being in the Fae Ward for a few days. He’s getting used to its existence around him, though he admits that it feels itchy. Vanessa doesn’t seem to have the same problem.

Selene, on the other hand…

I’m not sneezing, but all I can smell is refuse. She sounds sour in my head. There’s an alley with garbage cans. I guess no one wants to ward their trash.

As Marcus leaves to fetch Magister Orion, my heart clenches in sympathy for my wolf. I wish there was a way to make you more comfortable.

It’s fine, Selene replies, though her mental voice sounds strained. I’d rather be here than leave you alone.

Vanessa settles on the bed, her fingers tracing the edges of the rune papers scattered across the covers. She looks up at me, her eyes filled with concern. “How are you holding up, Ava?”

Falling onto my back, I throw my arm over my eyes, blocking out the lights. Every one of my feelings presses down on me, shoving me deeper into the mattress. “Honestly? I feel like I’m missing something huge. Like there’s this… I don’t know, this looming disaster just waiting to happen, and I can’t see it coming.”

Vanessa nods, her expression thoughtful. “Well, we know Lisa’s been relocated. That’s good news, right? And Lucas is an experienced alpha. He’s handled tough situations before.”

“I know, I know.” I squeeze my arm harder against my face, against the sudden spring of tears in my eyes. “But I can’t shake this feeling that I should be doing more. It feels like I’m hiding while everyone else is out there facing real danger.”

Vanessa holds up one of the rune papers. It crinkles in the air, tickling my ear as I lower my arm to peer in her direction. “Maybe working on your powers is the best help you can be right now. Think about it—if you can master this, you’ll be able to protect the pack in ways no one else can.”

I want to agree with her. I really do. But that prickling feeling of unease won’t leave me alone. Pulling out my phone, my fingers hover over Lucas’s number. I’ve left him twelve messages since yesterday. “I should call him, just to check in.”

The phone rings, once, twice, three times. No answer. I try again, my heart rate picking up with each unanswered ring. Nothing.

“He’s probably just busy,” Vanessa says, but I can hear the slight uncertainty in her voice.

I switch to Kellan’s number, hoping he’ll at least be able to give me an update. But his phone goes straight to voicemail.

“Dammit,” I mutter, tossing my phone onto the bed. I look at Vanessa, suddenly feeling very small and very scared. “How do you handle this? The stress, the not knowing?”

Vanessa’s eyes soften, and she reaches out to squeeze my hand. “It’s hard,” she admits. “There’s no easy way to deal with it. The amount of times I’ve been left at the hospital while Vester’s out on a mission is not small.”

“And what did you do?”

She shakes her head. “You focus on what needs to be done. There’s always a patient who needs something, or more wounded coming in. There are things that you need to do, and you do them. Worrying yourself into an anxiety spiral won’t help. Right now, I’m focused on you.”

Grabbing her hand back, I squeeze hard. “Thank you. For being with me. For sacrificing for me.” If Lucas being unreachable is hard for me—newly mated and spending more time away from him than with him—I can only imagine how hard it is for a couple mated as long as Vanessa and Vester.

“Does it hurt, to be away from him? Here, in your chest?” I rub mine, where there’s an ache I’ve become familiar with. It was there the moment I ran from the Lunar Gala, and only recently dissipated since accepting my mating bond with Lucas.

It’s back now, and driving me crazy.

A soft smile spreads across her face, her eyes taking on a distant look. “Always,” she says quietly. “When he’s not near, it’s like… like I’m missing an arm or a leg. Missing a lung. I can’t breathe a full breathe, and I can’t walk at full strength. You don’t realize how much you rely on someone until they’re not there.”

Her words hit me hard. There were so many times I just got busy, too distracted thinking and doing to even remember to call Lucas. It seems stupid that I ever got that complacent before, when now my entire day revolves around my phone, sending out regular calls in case he finally answers.

He can’t call me; only I can reach him. It’s been an eye-opening experience. Once I accepted him into my life, as my partner, and the responsibilities of the position it brings, I thought I was finally ready. Finally stepping up.

But now I realize I still was complacent, knowing he was there to hold us up. He’s always been the glue of our relationship, and I’ve been like a flighty hummingbird, flitting from one place to the next.

Without him being the one to text me, to call me, with our distance, I realize how much I relied on him. On his presence to steady us, to keep our relationship going.

Now, I’m desperate to know he’s safe, and finally understanding how he felt.

It doesn’t feel good at all.

It feels like the entire world keeps throwing revelation after revelation at me, and I’m drowning in a sea of knowledge that I haven’t done enough.

Maybe that’s where this uneasy feeling is coming from.

“Do you regret coming with me?” I ask, almost afraid to hear the answer.

But Vanessa shakes her head without hesitation. “Not for a second. This is important, Ava. What you’re learning here, what you’re becoming… it could change everything. With vampires coming to wolf fights, and these magical portals, and now this city, I feel like we’re all unprepared for what a real war entails. You’re our key to salvation.”

Her words send all of my insecurities straight to my lungs, making it even harder for me to breathe. How can I live up to someone as sweet and caring as Vanessa? Someone who’s willing to stand by me despite my mistakes. Someone who isn’t forced by a fated bond to be with me.

“That’s a bit much—”

She cuts me off with her simple words. “But that’s how I feel.”

And I, Selene echoes.

“Besides,” she adds with a wry smile, “someone’s got to keep you from burning down the Fae Ward.”