The Novel’s Antagonist: I walk the path of a Villain - Chapter 82

Chapter 82: I want it… to end

“Look me in the eyes, Ryan. Tell me if I could ever hurt you,” Selena demanded, gripping my collar tightly.

We were alone in a private training room, having just left the cafeteria.

I couldn’t forget the way Lucas had glared at me as I turned to leave. His expression was enough to make me reconsider my strategy against him. No doubt he had drawn his own conclusions after witnessing Shelly stand up for me. Of course, he couldn’t hear what she and Selena had been saying—Selena had made sure of that with the barrier she cast. But even without sound, our gestures and expressions likely gave him plenty to fuel his imagination.

And now… here I was, facing the moment I had dreaded for so long.

I knew what I had to do, no matter how much I didn’t want to do it. But it had to happen. No matter how much I wanted to avoid it, I couldn’t. I needed to trust Nelia’s advice, not my emotions—those had only led me astray in my first life.

I had to break things off with Selena.

“…You wouldn’t,” I finally replied after a moment of hesitation, my voice barely above a whisper.

“Then WHY?! Why are you doing this?!” Selena’s voice cracked as she shouted, her trembling hands still clutching my shirt. “Or… or do you really feel nothing for me?” Her tears spilled freely now, streaking down her cheeks.

The sight of her crying shattered something inside me. It hurt. It hurt in ways I couldn’t explain.

“Selena… calm down,” I said softly, reaching out to wipe her tears, but she flinched away from my touch.

“No, Ryan! Tell me the truth. Is it because I hid my identity from you? Are you scared of me? Or is it… is it because you don’t love me?” Her voice broke with fury, desperation, and …. vulnerability.

…Damn it all.

“…It’s everything, Selena,” I finally admitted, my voice low but firm.

Her hands froze on my collar. Her lips parted slightly, confusion flashing across her face. “What…?”

“It’s because I trust you,” I began, my tone firm. “I trust you so much it terrifies me. These feelings I have for you… they feel natural, but at the same time, they don’t. It’s like they’ve been planted there, like they’re not even mine. And I don’t want to be manipulated anymore, Selena. I’m done being someone’s pawn in the name of ‘love.’ I’m sick of it.”

Selena flinched as if I’d struck her. “You’re not a pawn to me,” she said quietly, her voice trembling.

“Says who? You?” I snapped, the anger bubbling to the surface. “You couldn’t even trust me with something as basic as your identity as a princess. What else are you hiding? what can you trust me with? Would you ever reveal what these feelings I have for you actually mean? Would you tell me why you love me so much? Who you really are? Who we were to each other in the past?” My voice rose as my emotions boiled over. “Would you?!”

Selena wasn’t just a character from the novel. She was something more, something tied to me in ways I couldn’t fathom. And the more my blessing took hold of me, the more this connection I felt with her grew. But she refused to let me in.

There was something she knew—something she was keeping from me.

“…It’s not what you think,” she muttered, her teeth clenched as if forcing the words out.

“Then tell me what it is, Selena,” I said.

But she didn’t respond. The silence that followed felt heavier than any words she could have said. It was an answer in itself.

And I hated it.

I hated the lies. I hated the secrets. I hated the way she made me feel like a fool.

More than anything, I hated how much it hurt to push her away.

“Tell me, Selena,” my voice cracked, raw with frustration. “Do you expect me to keep playing this game where I’m always left in the dark? How do I know you’re not just toying with me? How do I know you’re not using me for some selfish motive? How?!”

Her lips trembled, but no words came. She looked away.

She really doesn’t want to say it.

But why?

Why does she insist on hiding the truth from me? If she truly feels the way she claims, if she’s not just stringing me along, then why can’t she let me in? Why must I always feel like I’m grasping at shadows?

“…It’s all for your own good,” she finally whispered, her voice breaking, her eyes reddened with unshed tears.

I stared at her, “Or is it for yours?”

Her grip on my collar slackened, and she took a shaky step back.

“Tell me, Selena… What really is my blessing? Why do I feel so connected to you?” I asked, desperation slipping into my tone.

But she didn’t answer. She just stared into my eyes, her lips trembling like she was choking on the truth.

“Just… tell me. I’d believe you. Maybe we could figure this out somehow. I just… I just want to trust you. I just want the truth. Please.”

I hated how my voice broke, how vulnerable I sounded. Frustration burned in my chest, mixed with an exhaustion that threatened to drown me.

I needed answers.

I needed to understand.

Why was I dragged into this world?

Why do I have this blessing?

Why do I feel this way about her?

“… I won’t hurt you, Ryan. You just have to believe that,” she said, reaching for me.

But I pushed her hand away.

And then, it surged—anger.

The blessing inside me stirred, feeding on my emotions, amplifying them until they threatened to consume me.

“Just stay away from me,” I muttered, turning to leave.

“Wait… please!”

Her hand caught my wrist, and before I could react, she pushed me back against the wall.

“Let go, Selena,” I said, my voice cold, tired.

“Listen to me! Please,” she pleaded, her eyes wide with desperation. “I can’t tell you. Not now. If I do… everything I’ve worked for—everything—will fall apart.”

“So that’s it, huh? It’s all about you.” My voice hardened. “You’d rather keep your secrets, keep me in the dark, than give me the answers I deserve?”

I grabbed her wrists, to push her away. “You’ve known all along, haven’t you? What this blessing is, why I feel this way. And you’ve just been keeping it to yourself, playing your little game!”

“… Please…” Her voice was barely a whisper now, trembling with emotion. “I’ll do anything. Just listen to me this once. I’m begging you.”

She pressed her face against my chest, her tears soaking through my shirt.

“Selena… I hate you,” I said.

Her body stiffened, but she didn’t pull away. Instead, she whispered, “No, you don’t… You know deep down you can’t.”

She was right. And that’s what made this unbearable.

“What do you want from me?” I croaked, my voice breaking as the weight of it all threatened to crush me.

The emotions tearing through me were unbearable—an endless storm of anger, confusion, longing, and despair.

I hated her.

I loved her.

I hated her.

I still loved her.

My mind was in chaos, and something was trying to claw its way to the surface.

I clenched my fists, trying to hold it back, trying to keep control.

I knew if I lost control, I would hurt her.

But I didn’t want to hurt her.

But still…

I wanted to run.

I wanted to cry.

I wanted to kill her.

“Aghhh!” I held my head and screamed, a scream filled with all the pain I couldn’t put into words.

And still, she clung to me.